Life

“Enouement”

“the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self”- Enouement


I came across this word soon after losing my daughter in 2016. The grief was raw. I still had this numb feeling. Every day waking up I felt as if my body was heavy. It’s truly insane how attached emotions can be to our physical selves. So when I came across this word and looked it up. I, of course, went through so many what if scenarios. My thoughts that were jumbled into this odd ball of grief. Sadness. Anger. Slowly unraveled. I felt sad for the me before the loss. I felt so horrified that she was going to go through one of the most heartbreaking things as a new mother to be. Not just once but twice. She doesn’t know that she will get through it. That eventually there’s a beautiful happy son who’s going to fill her life with happiness and although he makes her long for his siblings. She will be happy. She will be content.


hat girl from before didn’t know she would find her true love one day. One that would understand her full and whole. That she didn’t need to try to be someone she wasn’t. Or figure out her life so much. That she didn’t have to cry at night from being lonely at all. He would eventually come and take a hold of her. Wrap his arms around her and tell her she wouldn’t have to worry. That he would love her till his last breath


I’m sure everyone goes through this at some point. Whether it be a rough patch, a tragic loss, a problem that needed to be solved. You look back and you almost feel bad that you had to go through that to be the person you are right now. Honestly, if I could have a moment with my past self I would hug her. Tell her that it will be okay one day 💗


Anyone else have had moments like this?

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