Life

New Normal: Staying Home

Adjusting has been difficult to say the least. There are days things aren’t difficult. You take things as they come. Unexpected turns are made and there’s so many thoughts in place. You’re just shocked you sleep through the night.

My life has been hectic. You’d think being at home meant being less busy. Not the case at all. Between decluttering the whole house and not working from home anymore with a now 2 year old. It’s impossible not to be busy! I’m also still cooking from home at least 2 times a week. I order out if possible. (Grubhub is tempting to say the least. We are so guilty of not passing up a good deal). I only go out maybe twice a month only for groceries or to step outside front for my plants and watch my husband run around with our son. Life’s been calmer and mentally hectic more than anything.

My cyber social life has skyrocketed. I’m back to playing video games mostly ps4 and animal crossing on the switch. Binge watching anime again with my husband. Things that got me through so much in life already. It’s starting to feel like there’s not enough time in a day for everything to be done. But, I value our health and how we’ve dealt through this quarantine. My husband comes home with stories of how the outside has been doing. I can’t help but weirdly realize how much things around us have changed. Few months ago we were planning with friends and family to gather for a picnics and going to Central Park. Now it’s animal crossing and group chats with memes and venting sessions. Daily face times to check in with each other.

Living in NYC with the virus it’s hard to see an end to this. Though there are many pros and cons. It feels unreal. To not be able to leave when you want. Questioning yourself as you get ready to run an errand if it’s absolutely necessary. Anyone else forget their mask while walking outside and turning around to run back to get it? (ME!) The amount of tension outside is thicker than the air itself. You feel it come off people in waves. The split second horror on people’s faces when someone clears their throat.

It’s hard to say “I’m okay” when things aren’t like they used to be. Change sometimes can come in increments. But this was thrown at everyone and it’s difficult to even handle it with grace. I hope we can all get through this.


I’ll try to post more as time goes. Probably lighter things and small successes I’ve had personally. But I just had to get this out of the way. Stay safe everyone. Much love always. I’m still active in my succulent insta @everlasting_echeverias

Life

To the Parent Working from Home…I Know.

This hasn’t been the easiest. I don’t know if it will get easier. A new day doesn’t necessarily mean an easier day. There’s so many things going on. Meetings. Schedules. Tension. Low morale. Kid (or kids) crying and fighting. They’re bored or tired of being inside. But, the thought of going outside make your stomach tense with nervousness. How do you keep them entertain them while giving your best to your job? How do you give 100 percent to our kids without our work performance suffering? People telling us we should be grateful and blessed to still work while others are at a loss without a job. We are! I’m truly grateful for both regardless. Being home to earn my income while I get to watch my son. He’s a toddler. His world hasn’t stopped the way it has for me and for my husband. Some of the young kids don’t see it as their life being worse. They see it as time with us.

Even if you’re not working from home. You’ve been thrown for a whirlwind. Struggling to do something as simple as groceries. Lines. Social distancing. Lack of essential items. While hoping you don’t bring this virus home to our loved ones. All the while, figuring out this new way of “home-schooling”. Some of our spouses are essential workers. We are sometimes ALONE all day. Or work is closed and you’re worried about making ends meet. Anxiously, waiting for updates while yelling for everyone to wash their hands.

So many times I’ve taken a deep breath. Held my toddler while he cried whether it be about teething pains or because I told him he cannot climb the coffee table for the 27th time in the past hour. Meanwhile, I can hear one of my cats meowing because I closed the door to my room and didn’t realize they were there…again. Is that my stomach growling? Skipped lunch again since I didn’t realize the time. Once my son is asleep, my eyes are heavy. Energy depleted. I’m emotionally drained and I sink into my chair. There’s work to be done and I’ve neglected chores around the house. The silence although it can be bliss it also leaves me to my thoughts.

So if you’re working from home or not and struggling. I know. I see you. You’re not alone. We can do this. There will be good days. There will be tough days. Tears. Laughter. And some guilt because you’ve yelled more than you’re used to. You got this. I know it!


Hello everyone. It’s been a while. Life took a turn and crashed hasn’t it? I thought transitioning to a working mother was hard enough. Boy, was I wrong! I’m now learning to balance all that and more from home. My only get away being at night once I’m drained with the animal crossing jingle playing. Stay safe and stay home everyone. Things here in NYC are looking more than just rough right now. I feel for all those families who have lost a loved one due to this virus.

Much love and enjoy this succulent photo-Sori

Life, motherhood

A Moment

I needed a moment to myself. Balancing work, social, love and being a mother in life. It became a cycle that I eventually forgot to blog, write in my journal and dare I say? I stopped playing video games all together. I miss it some days. Other days I rather snuggle up to my son and husband to watch the Grinch (for the 3rd time that day)

Sometimes our conversation mingle between how we’ve been feeling with things in life lately. I’ll be honest it’s been overwhelming. I’ve always been such an over-thinker when it comes to anything. I can lay still at night while my mind rummages through the day about things.

Did I play with our son enough? Did he eat enough? Did I have enough patience today? Are the cats happy? The coffee I didn’t get to prepare for my husband…will he resent me? Did I finish that task at work or this task? That bag of laundry should be done by this week or should I go do groceries? Maybe if I had more energy or planned it out better.

There’s always doubt. There’s always something I could of done better. I recently been attempting to prepare for the future. Forgive the past and accept the present. It’s not easy. It’s a struggle every single day for someone who tends to plan and stress when plans aren’t executed on time. But I’m trying and I think that’s good enough for me.

Featured image is a succulent from my collection called Echeveria Sang A.

Life

Loving Myself

Some days are harder than others. My walls sometimes come down and I’m left vulnerable. I don’t even realize it sometimes until something happens. If someone talks to me a different way. When my son seems to only want to be with everyone else except me. If my husband is having a bad day. When someone at work gives a sharp tongue without meaning to. I feel it. They’re like paper cuts in my soul that sting throughout the day. I sense all the positivity and confidence leave me. It’s crazy how all the good takes so long to fill. Yet, it’s so quick to leave all the same. I’ve learned lately to build walls but to always leave a hole open. Others may see this as a weakness. But I see it as opportunity.

I know I will be hurt.

I know I’ll have low and high days.

I know my confidence will drain.

But I’ll take it easy. I’ll be kind to myself cause I’m not perfect. No one is. I’ll love myself even if in the moment I don’t feel loved. Self love is a beautiful thing. It’s not selfish. It’s hard to do everyday. But if I love myself a little more. I’ll be okay. Not always but one day.


Thanks for reading everyone and for those who like my posts. Thank you for doing so. I’m trying to be more active on here. For now enjoy a pic of my sleeping cat on the computer chair that my husband and him fight over every time. It’s almost a daily affair that makes us all laugh. Sometimes I wish I had his life for a day. His face is so peaceful.

Dream Journal, Life

Spiritual Dreaming

Ever since I was young. I’ve been dreaming (literally) almost my whole life as far as I can remember. Anywhere between random, happy, or nightmares. I’m not sure when the nightmares began. I was probably about five which is normal for any child to have night terrors. You eventually think it’ll be something you grow out of. You start to even avoid horror movies or creepy stories. Just to see if you can avoid having nightmares. Unfortunately, I never grew out of it. I wonder if it’s my overactive imagination or my emotions have a way of showing itself to me in the most horrible ways. It went to the point that while dreaming, I developed (well my brain somewhere did this) some sort of way to protect itself during these times of horrors or protect myself from “real” life. It’s almost as if another part of myself talks and interacts with me when I need it the most.


Another thing I’ve noticed. Not sure if it this applies to my obsession with orcas when I was younger but when I was young. I would always dream about an orca when I was scared or struggling through life. If I was near a body of water in my dream. I would see either it’s tail or dorsal fin. I could see it has some sort of tribal “tattoos” while passing through. If I dreamt I was in the water. There was nothing. Just me in the water and slowly from the corner of my eye it would appear and pass by me. The dream is quiet as if all of sudden I’m deaf and nothing else matters but the connection between me and this orca. The tribal “tattoos” are a deep red from what I can remember. As an adult now, where I don’t watch anything that has to do with orcas. It almost feels like something I default to when I’m dreaming and going through a hard time in life. It’s either the orca or someone speaking to me in my dreams. The brain works in mysterious way I suppose.


Anyone else have vivid dreams? Dreamt of things before they happened? There’s so many other dreams I would like to share with y’all from my dream journal. Much love and take care!

Life

Being Their Voice

Before ever becoming a mother. The thought brought an anxiety that was so overwhelming I didn’t think I would have any children. How can I take care of this little person that’s my own? Was I capable of being a good mother? Show them that the world is both beautiful yet so cruel. All these thoughts still haunt me. Little less than before they’re replaced with other things now but they’re still there some days.


I also realized throughout life and now having my son. How careful we as parents need to be when we speak to them as they’re growing. It’s easy for them to absorb everything. Children are truly sponges to those around them. We parents are legitimately their first interaction with the world. It comes to no surprise that even to this day I can still hear my parents voices for a lot of the decisions I make in life. It’s something I find humorous most days. When I went to get my first tattoo I could already feel the disappointment of my parents and hear them saying how I probably ruined my body by getting it. Mind you, I was 22 almost 23 and didn’t really mind their disapproval at this point. I’m usually confident in most of my decisions and what I do with my body now that I’m older. Yet, even still I hear them in my head before doing anything. It’s becoming more faint as the years go by and it made me realize that the strongest voices in our children is mostly ours. Their self esteem, confidence, fears and overall sense of self mostly comes from being around us. I hope that I can be better and give my son more positive thoughts than negative ones. That he won’t feel the need to hide things from me. After all, we have free will. Regardless what we tell them. They can choose to rebel against it or listen. They’re always listening. They’re always watching. Strive to be better cause perfection does not exist.


This has always been a fear of mine with having kids. I hope one day if they ever do hear my voice or their dad’s voice. It’s help guide them through life decisions and if it’s small things that they’ll laugh like I did. All in good time I suppose.

Life

“The Journey to Self Care”

I wasn’t always the type to take care of myself before. The most I would do is indulge in my favorite foods or snack on an Oreo if I was feeling wild. Then, I learned that self care runs a lot deeper than that. If I’m being honest. I really started about a few months ago being serious about my self care and before that my mental health. That’s a story for another day. Stay tuned.


Back in April, I finally gave in and bought myself a kindle. I know, I know. It’s nothing like a physical copy and what not. Frankly, I’m not a fan of the clutter it creates plus no time for library trips. Anyway, so I got my first kindle after debating it for a over a year. Got myself the unlimited membership and it began. I poured myself every night into a new story. I escaped to a different worlds. Slowly I felt my moods change and found myself not overthinking or worrying too much. That’s when I realized that before being a mother having hobbies made me sane. Now I was an overthinking mess. By the end of June I made a separate Instagram account for makeup, products reviews and blog posts. I started making time for myself for skin care and light make up. Took time to go back into some video games and shows. I can finally say I’m doing so much better than before.


Before all this, it’s not that I was terrible. I just wasn’t myself. My skin was dry and dull. My eyes started to darken from lack of sleep. My mind was in constant battle with itself from overthinking and being bored. I would occasionally play some mobile games or distract myself with little things here and there. But it wasn’t enough. Things were setting me off, my moods were in this odd flux that I couldn’t understand myself. Overall I was content but these moments of darkness would send me spiraling and it would build up. That’s why this journey is important. That’s why I always tell others you need to love yourself before you can love others. It makes you a happier person overall and that’s what counts.


Uncategorized

“Self Love”

Something a lot of us as mothers forget to do. We forget to love ourselves and take care of our needs. Even if it’s something small.

I recently started practicing self love. I started taking care of my skin, my hair, I’ve been finding time to read books (on my kindle) and catching up on the shows I never quite finished. Sipping on warm coffee before my son wakes up whether it be in the morning or his afternoon nap. These small moments recharge my emotions and sanity. Not because my son is difficult to handle or I didn’t expect this. Not at all. He’s the center of my world and I adore him with everything in me. I’m just being me. I’m not just mommy. Or just wife. I’m also Sori. Ans like anyone else I too deserve to have a moment to myself so I can face the day with the confidence I know I have. Somewhere.


So take those 10 min to yourself mama. Take a deep breath. You’re doing great. Your child is loved. Fed. Safe. And has you. We don’t need to be perfect for them. We just need to be the best person we can be for them and being happy with ourselves is part of that.